i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
