in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
