Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just invented taco cereal.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
please don't ironically join a cult
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