If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
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