just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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