We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize