I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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