Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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