I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
