2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
