can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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