Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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