Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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