I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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