I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
