The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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