Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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