why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
When are your genitals available?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
