I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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