I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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