make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Terrible idea I love it
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
