Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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