I'm going to jail i love you
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
