So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
