I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
