Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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