I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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