I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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