I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
