Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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