I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
