Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Randomize
