Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
