Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
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