I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
