Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
