Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
