Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
