No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
