Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
