I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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