Where did you get a picture of my penis
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Randomize
