is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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