I wish they made helmets for livers.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
