It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize