In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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