This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
