went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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