yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
