I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize