so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
