Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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