Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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