Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize