Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
