Plan B is the new Plan A
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
