I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
