this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
not ubering you a puppy
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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