I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
