You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
