wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
birth control should be required to get into college
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize