so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Pants are for mortals
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
