I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Are we still banned from the library?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
