I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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