It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize