Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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