This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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