I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm at about main and main street
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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