I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
