She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
